


You're Not Alone

by puellacoiote



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-29
Updated: 2016-10-29
Packaged: 2018-08-27 16:54:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8409370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puellacoiote/pseuds/puellacoiote
Summary: When Sam passes away, Dean uses alcohol as a coping mechanism. Castiel can't stand to see Dean hurt himself any longer.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a dear friend. First time writing these two, hope I did alright!
> 
> If you'd like more let me know in the comments!

This was not what Castiel had thought the night of the first Lacrosse game was going to be like. But here he was, in the locker room with a disoriented and drunk Dean Winchester. Seeing him like this wasn’t easy, nor was it something out of the ordinary. Castiel knew Dean was a frequent flyer of parties, considering the many drunk texts he’s received, but Dean’s habits had gotten worse since Sam’s passing. Dean was walking from the dorms with nips in his backpack and whiskey on his breath. Sure, he never disrupted a class but the fights he got into in between them progressively started to get worse. Castiel was sick of watching his best friend destroy himself, even if he couldn’t even begin to figure out a way to help.

Dean’s shoulders crack lightly as he’s forcefully pushed against the cold metal of the lockers, a gasp for air escaping his lungs as he gets the wind knocked out of him. Fingertips are digging into the fabric of Castiel’s shirt, feeling able enough to try and damage it, maybe. To try and loosen his grip, somehow, but it wasn’t working. His head was spinning a little bit too much.

“ What…the fuck, Cass? ” He slurs, attempting to wriggle himself out of the grip that Castiel’s hands have on them, but to no avail. This only makes Dean try to thrash even more. He’s reminded of every time his father gripped his shoulders when he was younger, and he attempts to keep his breathing steady. Dean is barely aware of his body, the alcohol numbing everything in him.

“ You’re killing yourself! ” Castiel shouts, cerulean eyes locking onto emerald ones as his own begin to pool up lightly with tears. His words echo throughout the locker room and Dean prays there isn’t anyone else in here with them. “ You’re fucking killing yourself –every single god damn time you raise a bottle to your lips. ” by now his voice is shaking, and so is his body. Dean’s body stills at Castiel’s words, brows wrinkling as anger rises up into his chest, burning as if bile was rising up his esophagus. Castiel didn’t know shit about what it’s like to lose a brother. He has no clue what he’s going through right now, and he never will have to. With a sharp turn of his shoulders, Dean is able to free himself for a few moments, only for Castiel to slam his hand into the door of the locker, and reposition his hands again.

“ Cass, let me go. ”

“ Not until you promise me you’ll stop. ”  
Dean’s muscles grew tense, and he could feel his current buzz wearing off. He needed another drink. This would not be happening if his brother were here, but he didn’t care. This was his coping mechanism, and if felt safe to him. Emerald eyes turn away from the cerulean ones, in an attempt to re-gather himself. He knew for a fact this was hurting Castiel. One night, he had to bring Dean home from a party because he had been using a punching bag so roughly that his knuckles were bleeding. Of course, Dean wasn’t aware of the bleeding, it was just proving that the alcohol numbed any sort of pain and that it wasn’t solving things in the right way.

“ I can’t. I can’t do that. ” Dean reluctantly muttered under his breath, a sigh leaving his breath. Castiel had always been there for him, ever since they met. Despite being a stubborn asshole, he had a slight weakness for those blue eyes. He’s shaking his head as he’s trying not to falter, and he starts to give up on thrashing himself. He knows exactly what he’s doing to himself, but alcohol is all he knows when it comes to dealing with his feelings. Dean has his father to thank for teaching him that habit, but he could have taken a different approach.

Castiel watches his body language, eyes flickering all around to just try and get a glimpse of what he’s feeling. For the most part, Dean was stoic. His eyes drop down to Dean’s mouth, and then they flicker back up to his eyes just as fast. He has never been this up close and personal, and he’s distracted. Distracted by the way Dean’s mouth probably tastes like whiskey and that there’s a hint of shimmer on them from Dean licking his lips nervously. This was not the time to have his feelings for him re-flood his body. Dean’s breathing finally slows, and his body relaxes even more before his eyes turn towards the ground, trying to hide the fact that his eyes are welling with tears. Castiel tilts his head and bends his knees slightly, making him able to meet back up with Dean’s face.

“ There just ain’t no me without him, Cass. ” he whispers softly, the tears finally starting to fall. Dean continues to not make eye contact with Castiel. It was embarrassing enough to be called out on his bullshit coping skills, but now this?  
Castiel’s heart breaks at those words; it’s almost like a soft ache that overwhelms him. He takes in a breath before moving his hands away from broad shoulders, and they start to tremble lightly as he brings them to cup Dean’s face. Thumbs rubbing his jawline gently, Castiel looks at him. All he wants to do is ease Dean’s pain, but he doesn’t know how. He wants to let him know that he’s not alone, regardless if he is able to sympathize.

So he goes for it.

Castiel leans in slowly at first, but then rushes to capture Dean’s lips with his own, pressing hard as his hands stay cupped around a perfectly chiseled jawline. His heart is racing as he holds the kiss, thoughts of worry, and panic rushing in and out of his head. Dean’s eyes close as soon as he feels another pair of lips against his own, and instead of pulling away, he presses even harder into the kiss. A small whine escapes his throat as he pulls away just enough to grab Castiel’s lower lip between his teeth, pulling gently while his hands secure themselves at his sides, pulling the other closer to him. More tears start to run down his face as he pulls away from the kiss, only to immediately bury his face into Castiel’s neck; then he lets out a quiet sob.

At this point, Castiel can’t fight his own tears, and he lets an arm wrap tightly around Dean, while the other cradles his head, fingers tangling in his hair.

“ It’s okay. You’re not alone, okay? ”  
Dean’s body is trembling as he tries to steady his breathing, lifting his face just enough to where he can breathe while still being as close to him as he was. He doesn’t want to do this anymore, he wants to be able to move on. But he’s never been someone to ask for help, ever. His heart is fluttering from his own feelings for Cass rising in his chest, but he knew he wasn’t in the position to give any affection. He wanted to be sober for that. Dean takes in a deep breath before resting his face against Castiel’s gently. Castiel immediately turns his face to gently place a soft kiss to Dean’s cheekbone.

“ I miss him, Cass. I miss him so fucking much. ”


End file.
